L.A. Confusion

Convictions, quality and confusion. Speaking with a friend recently these words came up and it's interesting because it seems they've been the theme for this passing week. Truth be told I've been wrestling with this theme since I moved here. Los Angeles is a city that can only be experienced and lately I've been wondering if I want the experience to continue. Arriving here I would have described myself as well travelled, I've met some very interesting people (who I'm lucky enough to call friends) and with each country I've lived in they all hold a special place in my heart. But to be honest at this point in time living in Los Angeles has felt like going to war and I don't believe life should be lived as if preparing for battle. It's not that it's all bad, I've met some interesting characters that will make fantastic stories for my grandchildren and I would be lying if I said I haven't had some good moments. I think that is where I have a problem, there are only good moments in a deluge of struggles (and by good moments I'm not talking about hot parties and oooh I got to shake so and so's hand and be fabulous). I think the saddest statement I heard this week was " if something happened to me on the week-end, no one would notice until late at work on Monday when I still hadn't showed up" and I heard this from two different people! and then I sometimes wonder if I've become that bitter L.A. habitant I swore I'd never be? The one who always complains about the city, that people here are so fake, you can't trust anyone, etc., which leads me to the realization that if you're asking yourself these questions it's time for some re-evaluation of why I'm here. Bluntly put I'm close to the point of packing my bags and saying, "well I gave it a try" but at the same time I still have this voice telling me to just hang in there. So in the process of re-evaluation, I'll remember that I don't have to worry about only being thought of on Monday should tragedy befall me on Saturday or Sunday, I've still got my convictions, it's ok to be confused and trusting in myself is the only way to achieve a quality of life I will be content with and of course I get to go to hot parties, shake so and so's hand and be fabulous.

Peace and Love,
The Criogirl